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Hilarious Headlines
The Laughing Crow:
Humor is Healthy!!

Here are a few amazing but true headlines
taken from regular, non-tabloid papers
from around the country.
These things really ran this way!

'Screwdrivers made to tighten, loosen screws'

'Liqour sales dip blamed on less drinking'

'Criminal groups infiltrating pot farms'

'Researchers call murder a threat to public health'

'Bush gets briefing on drought; says rain needed to end it'

'Living together linked to divorce'

'Boys cause as many pregnancies as girls'

'Some students walk, others ride to school'

'Death ends fun'

'Police use tear gas, SWAT team, battering ram, stun
gun to oust woman, 65'

'Slayings put an end to marriage'

'Man admits killing violated probation'

'Design a safe nuclear power plant & win $500!'

'Petland Pet Store- Alive Puppies & Kittens'

'Yellow snow studied to test nutrition'

'Some pieces of Rock Hudson sold at auction'

'Death in the ring: Most boxers not the same afterward'

'Most players on injured reserve apparently are
actually injured'

'Saints Peter & Paul to show pornography film'

'The Good News Announcer- The End is Here!'

'Wisconsin bill would permit blind to hunt deer'

'Drought turns coyotes to watermelons'

'Furniture drive for the homeless launched'

'Man shot, stabbed; death by natural causes ruled'

'Family catches fire just in time, chief says'

'32 ignorant enough to serve on North jury'

'City increasing speed limit to slow down drivers'

'First Annual Animal Abuse Council Benefit Pig Roast'

'Ban on nude dancing on Governor's desk'

'Ohio man, 79, pronounced dead, but says he is feeling
much better now'

'Man's 'serious' condition an improvement over death'

'It's official: dead people can't vote'

'Death row inmates no longer allowed day off
after execution, official says'

'Death may ease tension'

'Woman dead when head removed'

'Receiving a cremated relative in the mail can be
a rude shock'

Classified ad: 'Will swap one white satin wedding gown
worn once, for fifty pounds fresh Gravy Train'

'Moving sale- Wheelchair, hospital bed, deluxe gliding chair
stair glide, and a motorcycle'

'In the sewers, each day's job has new allure'

'Kids Are Grreat Meals- Packed in Novelty Cartons
with Surprise'

Any other funny things that should go in
The Laughing Crow,
send to:

Email Laurel

Headlines compiled by Jay Leno, 1989, Big Dog Productions: Warner Books, NY. ISBN: 0-446-39136-0