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Laughing Crow 13
You Might Be A Redneck Pagan...

This mighty fine page
was forwarded to me from
an unknown source. If you are the
guilty party, email me & I'll be
downright tickled to post your name & link!


You know that you are a Redneck Wiccan if....

1) Your Athame is a lockblade

2) Your Ritual feast is a cola and a ding-dong

3) Your Altar is a Jack Daniel's crate

4) Your familiars are named BUD or RED

5) You chalice is a old beer bottle

6) Your chewing tobacco doubles as your incense

7) You trip over a half buried car battery in mid-ritual

8) You dismiss your guardians with a shotgun

9) You consider the two-step trance dancing

10) You use empty Skoal tins as offering plates

11) If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top,

12) Or if you think a "family tradition" is a dating club...

13)If you've reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade,

14) Or if your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess are "Cooter"
and "Sweet Cheeks".....

15) If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb...

16) If your circle dance includes the words "dosie-do",

17) if your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the
Hollywood "Walk Of Fame".....

18) if your coven chose it's High Priest at a belching contest, or if they chose
their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night...

19) If your annointing oil smells like "Old Spice"...

20) if you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg...

21) If your Goddess picture says "Miss September" at the bottom,

22) If your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley...

23) If you have ever written a spell on the back of an IHOP menu...

24) if you have ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling  on TV...

25) If your children and your dog have the same magical name ("Skeeter! Get on over here and cast this circle!")...

26) If your cakes and ale consist of moonpies and a cold "Bud"...

27) if your coven sword says "Power Rangers" on it...

28) If your Book Of Shadows has a picture of Kyle Petty or Dale Earnhart on
it....

29) If your divination kit consists of a picture of Dionne Warwick and a 1-900
number...

30) if your idea of a pilgrimage to a sacred circle is going to the Indy 500....

31) if your ceremonial head-dress has a bill and says "Chevrolet" on it, Or if
your High Priestess' headdress is made out of those little nylon
flowers the veterans hand out in front of the supermarket...

32) If you chose "Jim Bob" or "Stormin' Normin'" as a magickal name...

33) If you think "charging" is why you're supposed to stay out of the bull pasture...

34) Or if your Balefire says "Coleman" on it...

35) If your covenstead says "Winnebago" on the side, you're NOT neccesarily a redneck Pagan, but if your covenstead's up on blocks, well......

36) If your Goddess visualizations look too much like Pamela Anderson

37) If your initiatory ordeal consisted of being blind-folded with a confederate flag and mud-wrestling

38) If your idea of a Pagan festival consists of a tailgate party and tickets to
the Super Bowl...

39) If your ceremonial chants are by Garth Brooks...

40) If you think a "Gerald Gardner" is farm quipment...

41) And finally, if you have ever called the National Enquirer because you
raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Venus, or if you have ever worked love magick on livestock.........AND FAILED....

You are definitely a Redneck Pagan!!!



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